What I want you to know about your counselling journey with me..

This is me.. When I look back over my career, it still stops me in my tracks to think how one seemingly random decision altered the course of my life. For years, I was a hairdresser. Not because I chose it, it was chosen for me when I was still young and at school. The fear from parents and pressure from school about not "achieving anything" was real.....but I had other dreams. If life had gone to my teenage plan, I’d have been on stage, dancing backup for Janet Jackson or Fi

Take A Seat...Your Welcome here... Welcome to my online space, a warm, inviting corner where I share insights, reflections, and tools designed to support your journey toward healing and self-awareness. As well as being a Somatic Trauma Psychotherapist, I am AuDHD (Autistic and ADHD). My diagnosis has shaped my understanding of nervous system differences, sensory experiences, masking, belonging and the impact of feeling "different" in a world that often values conformity. Whil

Making sense of disappointment, letting go of expectations and finding a way forward when life looks different from the one we imagined. Most of us carry some idea of how we thought our lives would turn out. Perhaps we imagined a particular kind of relationship, a family, a career we loved, financial security, a home of our own or a sense of happiness that would come with getting older. Maybe we thought we would feel more settled by now, have worked out who we are, or reached

Have you ever sat down to relax, only to find that you can't quite settle? Perhaps you make a cup of tea, sit on the sofa or finally get into bed, but your mind starts listing everything you haven't done. You remember the washing, the emails, the job you need to finish or the person you haven't replied to. You might feel restless, guilty or uncomfortable doing nothing, so you get up and find something else to do. Even when you're exhausted, resting doesn't necessarily feel re

The Exhausting Business of Trying to Fix, Save, Heal and Improve People We Love If you've ever been in a relationship, friendship, or family dynamic where you've found yourself thinking: "If they could just see what I see..." "If they would just get help..." "If they could understand how their behaviour affects others..." "If they would only change this one thing..." You're not alone. In fact, many of us spend years trying to change other people. We do it because we care. We

Understanding Emotional Disconnection in Relationships One of the most painful things to hear in a relationship is: "I don't feel connected to you anymore." For many people, those words can trigger panic, confusion, sadness, or even defensiveness. "But we're together every day." "We talk." "We haven't had any major problems." "Where has this come from?" The reality is that emotional disconnection rarely happens overnight. It is usually the result of many small moments accumul

Depression is one of the most common mental health challenges people experience, yet it remains one of the most misunderstood. Many people assume depression simply means feeling sad, but for those living with it, depression can affect every part of life, including thoughts, emotions, energy levels, relationships, motivation, physical health, and even a person's sense of identity. Depression is not a sign of weakness, laziness, or a lack of gratitude. It can arise for many rea

When Hyper-Independence Becomes a Survival Strategy One of the most common statements I hear in the therapy room doesn't always sound wounded. In fact, it often sounds strong. "I don't need anyone." "I can do it all myself." "I've learned not to rely on people." "I don't need anything from anyone." "I've got this." "I'll be fine." At first glance, these words can sound confident, resilient, capable, and self-sufficient. Society often praises people who appear emotionally cont

There are few comments that land as sharply or as invisibly as these. They can sound friendly. They can sound relatable. They can sound harmless. But for neurodivergent people, they often feel like erasure. They flatten lived experience. They minimise struggle. They turn a lifelong neurotype into a quirky personality trait. And they place the responsibility back on the neurodivergent person to “not make a fuss.” Why “We’re All a Little Bit ADHD/Autistic” Can Hurt For neurodiv

We talk a lot about “stepping out of your comfort zone,” but we rarely talk about what that actually means for the nervous system, especially a sensitive or neurodivergent nervous system that feels the world more intensely. Growth often requires discomfort. But discomfort is not always growth. And pushing yourself into the uncomfortable without safety can do more harm than good. This blog explores both sides, the truth of what discomfort can offer, and the truth of what it ca

Self‑compassion isn’t about being soft, indulgent, or pretending everything is fine. It’s about offering your nervous system the one thing it rarely receives, safety from the inside. For many people, especially those with sensitive or neurodivergent nervous systems, the inner voice has been shaped by years of masking, pushing, surviving, and trying to meet expectations that never matched who they are. Self‑compassion is how we begin to undo that. Why Self‑Compassion Matters Y

Overwhelm can feel like your whole system is filling up faster than you can empty it, thoughts stacking, sensations sharpening, emotions rising, and your body quietly tightening in places you don’t notice until everything feels “too much.” It can feel like your breath is suddenly shallow, your chest heavy, your mind foggy or frantic, and your energy scattered in every direction at once. Sometimes it’s misalignment, living in a way that doesn’t match who you are. Sometimes it’

Sometimes in therapy, we begin with what appears to be the problem. Some of which are ; Anxiety. Perfectionism. People-pleasing. Overthinking. Relationship difficulties. Fear of rejection. Constant comparison. Being unable to say no. Working too hard. Feeling responsible for everyone else. Never being able to recognise our own achievements. But as we gently begin to explore what sits underneath those patterns, we can sometimes find something much deeper. A core wound. And one

Resilient nature: Ferns thriving in the cracks of an old brick wall, showcasing the beauty of persistence and growth in unexpected places. You didn’t become “too sensitive,” “too quiet,” “too independent,” or “too much.” You became who you needed to be to survive/get through your environment. This exploration is not about shame or blame. It’s about curiosity, understanding, and recognising that many of your patterns began long before you were born. We Do Not Aim to Shame or B

Trust is one of those things we rarely think about until it has been shaken. We often notice trust most when it is missing. When we have been let down, betrayed, dismissed, criticised, abandoned, or hurt, trust can become something we long for but struggle to access. We may find ourselves questioning others intentions, doubting our decisions, or feeling uncertain about our place in relationships. Yet trust is not simply about whether we can rely on other people. It is also ab

I want to speak directly to you, because you deserve clarity, compassion, and truth, not judgement, not shame, and not another lecture about “just leaving.” If you keep taking someone back who treats you like an option, not a choice, you are not weak. You are not foolish. You are not broken. You are human. You are hopeful. You are loving. And you are hurting. The love you feel is real. When two people come together, each carrying their own attachment styles, histories, losses

Self‑shaming is when your inner voice turns against you, criticising, blaming, or attacking you in moments of stress, overwhelm, or perceived failure. It’s an internalised pattern of speaking to yourself harshly, often using language you learned from past experiences of criticism, rejection, or perfectionism. Self‑shaming is not simply “negative thinking”; it is a protective strategy the nervous system uses to try to prevent further hurt, rejection, or mistakes. Self‑loathing

Most of us were never taught how to process emotions. We were told to “calm down” or “move on,” but not how to be with what we feel. In my previous blog, (Processing emotions) we explored how emotions move through the body, how noticing, naming, validating, and responding helps the nervous system return to safety. This post introduces another gentle, evidence‑based approach that complements that work: R.A.I.N., a mindfulness practice developed and popularised by psychologist

Growth in therapy is not about becoming a “better version” of yourself or proving you’ve healed. It’s not about being positive all the time, forgiving everyone, or suddenly becoming confident and calm. Growth is what happens quietly, slowly, and often invisibly when your nervous system finally has space to breathe. Processing emotions is like going to the gym to build muscle, you don’t get stronger by ignoring the weights, walking past them, or pretending they’re not heavy, y