Bullying: In Childhood and Adult

Bullying is generally defined as repeated, intentional behaviour that causes harm, involves a power imbalance, and can be physical, verbal, emotional, or online.

Bullying isn’t just playground name‑calling or schoolyard fights. It’s a pattern of behaviour that can show up in childhood, adolescence, and even adulthood. While the settings may change, home, classrooms, workplaces, families, or online spaces, the impact is strikingly similar, confusion, fear, shame, and a loss of safety.

Many of us hear “ignore it and it will stop” or “they’re just jealous." But bullying is more than a passing annoyance. It’s a misuse of power, repeated over time, that leaves lasting marks on self‑esteem and mental health.

Childhood Bullying

Bullying in childhood often takes the form of:

• Verbal attacks: Name‑calling, teasing, or spreading rumours.

• Physical aggression: Pushing, hitting, or damaging belongings.

• Social exclusion: Leaving someone out of games, groups, or conversations.

• Cyberbullying: Hurtful messages, posts, or images shared online.

  
  

Impact: Children may withdraw, struggle at school, or begin to believe the negative words about themselves. The nervous system learns to expect danger, making trust and connection harder later in life.

Adult Bullying

Bullying doesn’t always end when we leave school. In adulthood, it can look like:

• Workplace bullying: A manager belittling an employee, spreading gossip, or sabotaging their work.

• Family bullying: Relatives using guilt, criticism, or intimidation to control.

• Social bullying: Friends excluding, mocking, or manipulating.

• Online bullying: Harassment through social media, emails, or forums.

  
  

Impact: Adults may feel trapped, questioning their worth or fearing retaliation if they speak up. The effects can ripple into mental health, career progression, and relationships.

Adults Bullying Children

Bullying doesn’t always come from classmates or peers. Sometimes, it comes from adults, teachers, coaches, relatives, or even parents. Because adults hold authority, their words and actions carry extra weight, and children often feel powerless to respond.

Examples of adult bullying:

• Verbal attacks: Constant criticism, mocking, or belittling a child in front of others.

• Unfair treatment: Singling out one child for punishment or exclusion, while others are treated kindly.

• Abuse of authority: Using fear, humiliation, or intimidation to control behaviour.

• Dismissal of feelings: Repeatedly telling a child they are “too sensitive” or “making things up.”

  
  

Impact: When bullying comes from adults, children may internalise the message that they are unworthy or unsafe. It can erode trust in authority figures, affect academic or social confidence, and leave long‑lasting emotional scars.

⚠️ Important: Discipline and guidance are part of parenting and teaching, but when correction turns into humiliation, intimidation, or repeated harm, it crosses the line into bullying. Abuse is abuse, regardless of age or authority.

Children Bullying Adults

Bullying can move in many directions, and while we often focus on children bullying other children or adults bullying children, it’s important to acknowledge that sometimes children bully adults too. This dynamic is often overlooked because society assumes adults “should know better” or be strong enough not to be belittled by a child, and because authority figures are expected to hold the power.

In reality, though less common, teenagers or children can use verbal aggression, manipulation, or intimidation toward parents, teachers, or carers, leaving adults feeling ashamed, powerless, or judged if they speak up. Recognising this matters, because bullying in any form, whether child to child, adult to child, adult to adult, or child to adult, causes harm, and awareness helps us respond with compassion and boundaries rather than silence.

⚠️ Important: Acknowledging that children can bully adults isn’t about blaming kids or painting them as “bad.” Often, these behaviours reflect learned patterns, unmet needs, or environments where aggression has been normalised. But recognising it matters, because adults deserve respect and safety too.

Everyday Examples

• Childhood: A classmate hides another child’s homework and laughs when they get in trouble.

• Teenage years: A group spreads rumours online, tagging the victim so everyone sees.

• Workplace: A colleague “jokes” about someone’s mistakes in meetings, undermining their confidence.

• Family (adult to adult): A sibling repeatedly calls another “lazy” or “useless,” dismissing their achievements.

• Adult to child: A coach humiliates a child in front of the team, calling them “worthless” instead of offering guidance.

• Child to adult: A teenager mocks their teacher in class, rallying peers to laugh and leaving the teacher feeling undermined and powerless.

  
  
  
  

Bullying in the Digital Age

In the past, bullying often ended when the school bell rang or when you walked away from the playground. Today, with phones and social media, it doesn’t stop at the gate. Messages, posts, and group chats mean bullying can follow us home, into our bedrooms, and into the spaces that should feel safe.

• Constant access: A phone in your pocket can become a channel for harassment at any hour.

• Public exposure: Social media amplifies bullying by turning private pain into public humiliation.

• No “off switch”: Unlike face‑to‑face bullying, online bullying can feel relentless, with notifications reminding you of the hurt.

  
  

Impact: This makes escape harder. Children and adults alike may feel there’s nowhere to hide, leading to anxiety, hyper‑vigilance, and a sense of being trapped.

Why Might Bullying Happens...Some ideas

Bullying doesn’t come out of nowhere. It often stems from deeper patterns, environments, and emotions that shape behaviour across different stages of life:

• Childhood & Teenage Years:

  • Learned behaviour from home or peers - children copy what they see.

  • Insecurity or fear of rejection, leading to putting others down to feel powerful.

  • Group dynamics - bullying to “fit in” or gain social status.

• Adulthood (workplace, family, social)

  • Power and control - using authority or influence to dominate.

  • Stress or frustration displaced onto others.

  • Lack of empathy or awareness of impact.

  • How they were brought up.

• Adults Bullying Children

  • Misuse of authority - confusing discipline with humiliation or intimidation.

  • Projection of unresolved issues from their own past.

  • Environments where control is valued over compassion.

• Children Bullying Adults

  • Testing boundaries when authority feels weak or inconsistent.

  • Learned manipulation - realising intimidation or ridicule gets results.

  • Unmet emotional needs expressed through aggression.

• Digital Bullying (socials, phones, online spaces)

  • Anonymity and distance - people feel emboldened when they don’t face consequences.

  • Constant access - bullying can continue 24/7 through messages, posts, or group chats.

  • Public exposure - online platforms amplify harm by turning private pain into public humiliation.

  • Using socials etc for a outlet of their own issues

    
    

⚠️ Important: These roots help explain why bullying happens, but they never excuse it. Abuse is abuse, whether it comes from a child, a teenager, an adult, or through a screen. Recognising the causes helps us understand the behaviour, but the responsibility always lies with the person using it to stop.

How Bullying Can Affect People

Bullying leaves marks that go far beyond the moment. Whether it happens in childhood, teenage years, adulthood, or even across generations, the impact can ripple through every part of life.

• Emotional impact: Feelings of shame, fear, anxiety, or sadness. Victims may begin to doubt their worth or believe the negative messages they hear.

• Mental health: Bullying can contribute to depression, anxiety disorders, hyper‑vigilance, or difficulty trusting others.

• Physical health: Stress from bullying often shows up in headaches, stomach aches, sleep problems, or fatigue.

• Academic and career impact: Children may struggle to concentrate or avoid school, while adults may lose confidence at work or feel trapped in toxic environments.

• Relationships: Bullying erodes trust. Victims may withdraw from friendships, struggle with intimacy, or fear rejection.

• Long‑term scars: Even after the bullying stops, the memories can linger. Many adults carry echoes of childhood bullying into their self‑esteem, decision‑making, and relationships.

  
  

⚠️ Important: These effects are real, but they don’t define a person forever. Healing is possible. With awareness, support, and compassion, people can rebuild confidence, reclaim safety, and learn that they are worthy of respect and kindness.

The Nuances

Not every conflict or harsh word is bullying. People make mistakes, get stressed, or miscommunicate. The difference lies in consistency and intent:

• If the behaviour is repeated, targeted, and leaves someone feeling unsafe or diminished, it’s bullying.

• Occasional disagreements are human. Patterns of harm are not.

  
  

If You See Yourself as the Bully

Bullying isn’t always easy to spot in ourselves. Maybe it started as a joke that went too far, or as frustration that turned into criticism. Sometimes we use power, sarcasm, or exclusion without realising the impact it has on others. And sometimes, we recognise the pattern only when someone calls it out, or when we notice the hurt in another person’s eyes.

If you see yourself in these behaviours, the first step is awareness. Naming it honestly is not about shame, but about responsibility. From there:

• Pause and reflect: Ask yourself what drives the behaviour — insecurity, stress, learned patterns?

• Apologise and repair: Owning the harm and making amends can rebuild trust.

• Learn healthier tools: Therapy, coaching, or self‑reflection can help replace control or criticism with empathy and respect.

• Commit to change: Bullying is a choice. Choosing differently is possible, even if it takes practice.

  
  

⚠️ Important: Seeing yourself as the bully doesn’t mean you’re stuck in that role forever. It means you’ve taken the courageous step of recognising harm and that awareness is the doorway to growth, compassion, and healthier relationships.

Moving Toward Healing

• Awareness: Naming bullying helps us see it clearly.

• Boundaries: Protecting ourselves means setting limits and refusing to normalise harmful behaviour.

• Support: Trusted friends, family, or therapy can help us rebuild confidence and safety.

• Compassion: Whether you experienced bullying as a child or adult, healing is possible.

  
  

Closing Thought

Bullying is not “just part of growing up” or “something you have to put up with.” Whether in childhood or adulthood, it is a misuse of power that leaves scars. But awareness, boundaries, and support can turn those scars into strength.

You deserve relationships, workplaces, and communities where respect and safety are the norm, not the exception.

Disclaimer

The reflections and perspectives in this blog are offered to encourage emotional insight, personal growth, and compassionate exploration. They are intended for general information and self‑reflection only, and do not constitute or replace formal psychological assessment, diagnosis, or treatment.

If you are experiencing mental health concerns, distress, or significant emotional difficulty, please seek support from a licensed mental health practitioner or qualified healthcare provider who can offer personalised, evidence‑based care.

The insights shared here draw from trauma‑informed practice and professional experience, but they are not a substitute for professional judgment. Every growth journey is unique, and any tools or concepts offered should be considered thoughtfully and in collaboration with trusted professionals.

This blog does not recommend altering or discontinuing prescribed medications or treatment plans. All decisions regarding your health and care should be made in partnership with qualified practitioners who know your personal history and needs.

Above all, my intention is to honour your process, offer meaningful language for your inner world, and provide a space for reflection, not prescription.