When People Say “We’re All a Little Bit ADHD/Autistic” or “It’s a Superpower”
There are few comments that land as sharply or as invisibly as these. They can sound friendly. They can sound relatable. They can sound harmless.
But for neurodivergent people, they often feel like erasure.
They flatten lived experience. They minimise struggle. They turn a lifelong neurotype into a quirky personality trait. And they place the responsibility back on the neurodivergent person to “not make a fuss.”
Why “We’re All a Little Bit ADHD/Autistic” Can Hurt
For neurodivergent people, this phrase often lands as:
dismissal of real challenges
denial of diagnostic validity
minimisation of lifelong differences
avoidance of acknowledging accommodations
pressure to mask or stay silent
erasure of identity, culture, and lived experience
It suggests ADHD and autism are just “quirks” everyone has, rather than neurodevelopmental conditions that shape cognition, sensory processing, emotional regulation, communication, and daily functioning.
People can relate to traits. But traits are not neurotypes.
What Neurodivergent People May Actually Hear
When someone says:
“We’re all a little bit ADHD/autistic.”
A neurodivergent person may internally hear:
“Your experience isn’t different enough to matter.”
“Your diagnosis isn’t real.”
“You’re exaggerating.”
“You don’t need support.”
“Everyone finds things hard, stop making it a thing.”
It’s rarely what the speaker means, they may be trying to relate or make us feel okay (or them). But it’s how the nervous system receives it, especially for people who have spent years being misunderstood or dismissed.
Why “It’s a Superpower” Can Also Hurt
This one is trickier, because it sounds positive. But positivity can still be invalidating.
For many neurodivergent people, “It’s a superpower” feels like:
pressure to be exceptional
pressure to turn struggle into strength
pressure to perform
pressure to be grateful for something that causes pain
pressure to hide the hard parts
pressure to be inspirational instead of human
not believed for how hard it can actually be
Some people genuinely like the superpower framing and that’s valid. But many don’t.
Because neurodivergence is not a superpower. It’s a nervous‑system reality.
Why People Say These Things
They’re trying to reduce discomfort. Neurodivergence makes some people uneasy because they don’t understand it. Minimising it helps them feel safer.
They don’t understand what ADHD/autism actually are. They confuse traits with neurotypes. They think “a bit forgetful” = ADHD or “a bit awkward” = autism.
They’re repeating cultural myths. Social media has turned neurodivergence into a trend, a joke, or a quirky identity. People echo what they’ve heard.
They’re trying to be positive. Calling it a “superpower” feels encouraging to them even if it erases the hard parts.
They’ve only seen stereotypes. Especially with autism, people still imagine the outdated male stereotype. When you don’t fit it, particularly as a woman, they assume it must not be “real.”
Why These Comments Miss the Mark
These comments miss the mark because they erase the years of masking many neurodivergent people have endured, especially women and people who were assigned female at birth (AFAB), who were overlooked simply because they didn’t fit outdated stereotypes.
They minimise the need for accommodations by implying that “everyone is a bit like that,” which quietly suggests support isn’t necessary.
They invalidate the diagnostic process, ignoring that ADHD and autism assessments are rigorous and not handed out because someone is occasionally forgetful or overwhelmed.
They overlook the lived reality of neurodivergence, which affects sensory processing, executive functioning, communication, emotional regulation, identity, relationships, and daily life.
And they create pressure to hide the hard parts, because if neurodivergence is framed as a “superpower,” you’re expected to be grateful, even when you’re burnt out, struggling, or fighting to stay regulated.
They also miss the mark because they ignore the whole reframing of who we are that happens when someone finally understands their neurodivergence. To other people, this can sound exciting, "OH brilliant, now it all makes sense!”, “Great, now you’ll know what to do!” as if diagnosis instantly brings clarity, confidence, and a neat set of answers.
But for many of us, this could not be further from the truth. Sometimes what arrives is grief, not always, but often enough to matter. Grief for the years spent misunderstood. Grief for the burnout that was never recognised. Grief for the child who struggled silently. Grief for the life lived without language, support, or belonging.
Diagnosis isn’t just information, it’s a deep, emotional re‑orientation of our entire life story. Comments like “we’re all a bit like that” flatten that profound identity shift into something casual, when in reality it’s a vulnerable, often tender process of finally recognising ourselves clearly for the first time.
The Nervous System Impact
Comments like these can tighten the nervous system:
shoulders rise
breath shortens
chest constricts
jaw clenches
thoughts speed up
shame activates
masking increases
Why? Because the body hears:
“Hide it.” “Minimise it.” “Don’t ask for support.” “Don’t be different.”
This is why neurodivergent validation matters so deeply.
A Personal Piece
For me personally, part of the problem is that I never fit the old stereotypes. I wasn’t the “classic” picture people had in their heads, so my neurodivergence was overlooked, misunderstood, or explained away as personality.
People assumed I was just sensitive, anxious, perfectionistic, emotional, or overthinking, everything except neurodivergent. My traits didn’t match the outdated image society had been taught to recognise, so the real explanation was missed.
So when people say “we’re all a bit ADHD/autistic,” it erases the years of masking, burnout, and confusion that came from not fitting those stereotypes. It erases the years of trying to make sense of myself without the right language. It erases the exhaustion of performing “normal” because nobody recognised what was actually happening underneath. It wasn’t that I was a little bit neurodivergent, it was that the stereotype was wrong, the understanding was limited, and I was given the wrong diagnosis.
And this isn’t just a women’s issue, it’s a misdiagnosis and misunderstanding issue that affects anyone whose neurodivergence doesn’t match the narrow, outdated picture people still hold.
Many people were missed because their traits were quieter, internalised, masked, or simply didn’t look like the stereotype. Some people were overlooked because they were high‑achieving. Some because they were shy. Some because they were social. Some because they were compliant. Some because they were anxious. Some because they were “too capable.” Neurodivergence doesn’t have one face, one gender, or one presentation.
For many of us, diagnosis isn’t just clarity, it’s a complete reframing of who we are. It’s the moment the whole life story shifts into focus. And when someone responds with “oh brilliant, now it all makes sense, now you’ll know what to do,” it sounds lovely to them, but for many of us, it could not be further from the truth.
Sometimes what arrives is grief. Not always, but often enough to matter. Grief for the years spent misunderstood. Grief for the burnout that was never recognised. Grief for the child who struggled silently. Grief for the adult who thought they were the problem. Grief for the life lived without language, support, or belonging.
Why Women Can Hear These Comments More Often
women are socialised to mask
traits are often internal rather than external
struggles get labelled as depression, hormones, anxiety or personality
stereotypes were built around boys
late diagnosis is common
people assume “you don’t look autistic/ADHD”
So when someone says:
“We’re all a little bit like that.”
It can feel like being erased again.
How to Explain That We Are Not All on the Spectrum
Here is a gentle, clear way to explain it without confrontation:
“People can relate to traits, but ADHD and autism are full neurotypes, not personality quirks. We’re not all on the spectrum. Some of us just don’t fit the old stereotypes, especially women, so our neurodivergence was missed or misunderstood.”
This framing is calm, factual, and compassionate.
Why We Are Not All on the Spectrum
Traits are universal. Neurotypes are not.
Neurodivergence affects multiple domains at once.
It’s not about moments, it’s about lifelong patterns.
The spectrum is not a line from “a little bit” to “a lot.”
It’s a map of support needs, not personality quirks.
People can relate to traits. But relating is not the same as being neurodivergent.
What Helps Instead
Phrases that land with safety, not shame:
“I believe you.”
“Your experience makes sense.”
“Tell me what it’s like for you.”
“How can I support you?”
“Your needs are valid.”
“You don’t have to mask with me.”
“I didn’t realise, thank you for explaining.”
These create connection instead of erasure.
Neurodivergent people don’t need their identity diluted into “everyone is a bit like that.” They don’t need their struggles reframed as superpowers.
They need recognition, accommodation, language, safety, and space.
They need the world to understand that neurodivergence is not a trend, a quirk, or a compliment.
It’s a lived experience, that shapes all aspects.
And it deserves to be seen.
Disclaimer
The reflections and perspectives in this blog are offered to encourage emotional insight, personal growth, and compassionate exploration. They are intended for general information and self‑reflection only, and do not constitute or replace formal psychological assessment, diagnosis, or treatment.
If you are experiencing mental health concerns, distress, or significant emotional difficulty, please seek support from a licensed mental health practitioner or qualified healthcare provider who can offer personalised, evidence‑based care.
The insights shared here draw from trauma‑informed practice and professional experience, but they are not a substitute for professional judgment. Every growth journey is unique, and any tools or concepts offered should be considered thoughtfully and in collaboration with trusted professionals.
This blog does not recommend altering or discontinuing prescribed medications or treatment plans. All decisions regarding your health and care should be made in partnership with qualified practitioners who know your personal history and needs.
Above all, my intention is to honour your process, offer meaningful language for your inner world, and provide a space for reflection, not prescription
