"We Don't See Things As They Are, We See Them How We Are" - Why Perspective Shapes Our Reality
- Kerry Hampton
- Sep 22, 2025
- 3 min read
There’s a famous saying, often attributed to Anaïs Nin:
“We don’t see things as they are, we see them how we are.”
It’s a deceptively simple sentence, but it holds a profound truth about human perception, relationships, and even personal growth.
The Lens We Look Through
Every one of us moves through life wearing an invisible set of “lenses” shaped by our upbringing, culture, past experiences, and even our current mood. These lenses filter what we notice, how we interpret events, and the meaning we attach to them.
Two people can witness the same situation and walk away with entirely different stories about what happened. Not because one is lying, but because each is seeing through their own lens.
The Role of Our Inner World
Our nervous system, beliefs, and emotional state all influence how we interpret the world:
Past experiences act like reference points. If you’ve been hurt before, you might be quicker to spot potential threats, even in safe situations.
Core beliefs shape meaning. If you believe “people can’t be trusted,” you’ll interpret neutral actions as suspicious.
Current state matters. On a stressful day, a friend’s short text might feel like rejection, on a calm day, you might not think twice.
This is why self-awareness is so powerful, the more we understand our own “how we are,” the more we can question whether our perception is the full picture.
In Counselling and Self-Reflection
In counselling, this quote is a gentle reminder that what a client sees as “truth” is often a reflection of their inner world. A trauma-informed counsellor will explore not just what happened, but how the client experienced it and why.
For example:
A neutral facial expression from a colleague might feel cold or hostile to someone who’s experienced rejection.
A delayed reply to a message might feel like abandonment to someone with a history of loss.
By naming these patterns, clients can begin to separate the event from the interpretation, creating space for new, healthier perspectives.
The “Sunglasses” of Perception
In counselling, there’s a concept often compared to wearing a unique pair of sunglasses, each lens tinted by our memories, beliefs, and emotions. As the Counselling Directory explains, our view of the world is inseparable from these filters, which are often formed in childhood and can become so familiar we forget they’re there.
These “lenses” don’t just colour what we see, they also shape what we don’t see. That’s why two people can experience the same event and walk away with completely different interpretations. Problems arise when we assume our view is reality, rather than a reality.
How to Apply This in Everyday Life
Pause before reacting – Ask yourself, Am I responding to what’s actually happening, or to what I believe is happening?
Check your state – Notice if you’re tired, stressed, or anxious. These states can distort perception.
Seek other viewpoints – Invite trusted friends or colleagues to share how they see the situation.
Practice self-compassion – Your lens was shaped for a reason. You can change it without shaming yourself for having it.
Other Ways Of Looking At This Qoute ...
"Different angles. Same reality. Both matter."
"Your view makes sense from where you are. So does mine. Let’s trade places before we trade judgments."
"Truth can look different depending on where you stand, understanding begins when we step to the other side."
Final Thought
“We don’t see things as they are, we see them how we are” isn’t a criticism, it’s an invitation. An invitation to get curious about the lens you’re looking through, to clean it when it’s clouded, and to remember that others are looking through their own.
When we understand this, we become less reactive, more empathetic, and far better equipped to navigate the messy, beautiful complexity of human relationships.
Disclaimer
The reflections and perspectives in this blog are offered to encourage emotional insight, personal growth, and compassionate exploration. They are intended for general information and self‑reflection only, and do not constitute or replace formal psychological assessment, diagnosis, or treatment.
If you are experiencing mental health concerns, distress, or significant emotional difficulty, please seek support from a licensed mental health practitioner or qualified healthcare provider who can offer personalised, evidence‑based care.
The insights shared here draw from trauma‑informed practice and professional experience, but they are not a substitute for professional judgment. Every growth journey is unique, and any tools or concepts offered should be considered thoughtfully and in collaboration with trusted professionals.
This blog does not recommend altering or discontinuing prescribed medications or treatment plans. All decisions regarding your health and care should be made in partnership with qualified practitioners who know your personal history and needs.
Above all, my intention is to honour your process, offer meaningful language for your inner world, and provide a space for reflection, not prescription.
