Trust: Learning to Rely on Ourselves and Others
Updated: Oct 1
Trust is one of those things we rarely think about until it has been shaken.
We often notice trust most when it is missing. When we have been let down, betrayed, dismissed, criticised, abandoned, or hurt, trust can become something we long for but struggle to access.
We may find ourselves questioning others intentions, doubting our decisions, or feeling uncertain about our place in relationships.
Yet trust is not simply about whether we can rely on other people. It is also about whether we can rely on ourselves.
What Is Trust?
At its heart, trust is a sense of safety and confidence.
It is the belief that someone, including ourselves, will be reasonably consistent, honest, respectful and dependable.
Trust does not mean believing that nothing will ever go wrong. It does not require perfection.
Instead, trust develops when experience repeatedly shows us that we can survive difficulties, navigate challenges and repair ruptures when they occur.
Trust says:
"I believe this person is likely to be there for me."
"I believe I can cope if things do not go as planned."
"I believe I can listen to my instincts and make decisions that are right for me."
Why Do We Need Trust?
As human beings, we are wired for connection.
Trust allows us to build relationships, ask for support, express vulnerability and experience a sense of belonging. Without trust, life can feel exhausting because we are constantly scanning for danger and trying to protect ourselves from potential hurt.
Trust helps us to:
Form meaningful relationships
Feel emotionally safe
Set healthy boundaries
Ask for help when needed
Take risks and try new things
Experience intimacy and connection
Develop confidence and self-worth
When trust is present, our nervous system can often relax. We do not have to spend quite so much energy preparing for disappointment or anticipating threat.
How Trust Develops
Trust is rarely built through grand gestures.
More often, it grows through countless small moments.
When someone follows through on what they say they will do.
When they listen without judgement.
When they respect our boundaries.
When they apologise when they get something wrong.
When they show consistency over time.
These experiences tell our nervous system:
"Perhaps it is safe enough to let my guard down a little."
Trust grows slowly because our brain is designed to learn from experience rather than promises.
When Trust Has Been Broken
Many of us come to therapy carrying experiences where trust has been damaged.
Perhaps our feelings were ignored.
Perhaps we were criticised instead of supported.
Perhaps people who were meant to protect us caused harm.
Perhaps we repeatedly learned that our needs were "too much", "too sensitive" or "not important."
Over time, these experiences can shape how we view ourselves and others.
We may become hypervigilant.
We may struggle to ask for help.
We may expect rejection, abandonment or disappointment.
Sometimes we stop trusting ourselves as much as we stop trusting others.
The Often Overlooked Part: Self-Trust
When we hear the word trust, we often think about relationships.
However, one of the most important forms of trust is trust in ourselves.
Self-trust means believing that we can navigate life's challenges and make decisions that honour our needs.
It sounds like:
Listening to our instincts
Respecting our boundaries
Acknowledging our feelings
Making decisions aligned with our values
Believing that we can cope with difficult emotions
Knowing we do not need to get everything right
For many people, self-trust has been disrupted by life experiences.
If we have repeatedly received messages that our perceptions are wrong, our feelings are too much, or our needs are inconvenient, we may learn to look outside ourselves for answers.
We begin to ask:
"What do other people think I should do?"
Rather than:
"What feels right for me?"
Rebuilding Trust in Ourselves
Self-trust is not something we suddenly discover.
It is something we practise.
We rebuild trust with ourselves in the same way trust develops in relationships:
through consistency.
Each time we keep a promise to ourselves.
Each time we honour a boundary.
Each time we acknowledge what we truly feel.
Each time we act in accordance with our values.
A small example might be noticing that we are exhausted and allowing ourselves to rest rather than pushing through.
Another might be recognising discomfort in a relationship and taking it seriously rather than dismissing it.
These moments may seem insignificant, but they send a powerful message:
"I am listening to myself."
"I matter."
"I can rely on me."
Trust and the Nervous System
From a somatic perspective, trust is not just a thought. It is also a felt experience.
Many people can intellectually know that they are safe while their body still feels guarded, tense or alert.
Trust develops when our nervous system repeatedly experiences safety, predictability and connection.
This is one reason why trust cannot be rushed.
Our body often needs time to learn what our mind may already understand.
Gentle, consistent experiences of safety help our nervous system update old beliefs that were formed during more difficult times.
Trust in Therapy
Trust is often an important part of the therapeutic process.
For many people, therapy may be one of the first places where they can explore their thoughts, emotions and experiences without fear of judgement.
Trust within therapy does not happen instantly.
It develops gradually through consistency, honesty, boundaries and mutual respect.
Just as importantly, therapy can also provide opportunities to strengthen trust in ourselves.
We begin to notice our feelings more clearly.
We learn to recognise our needs.
We become more confident in our ability to navigate life and relationships.
A Final Thought
Trust is not about guaranteeing that we will never be hurt.
There are no guarantees in relationships or life.
Instead, trust is about developing confidence that we can respond to whatever happens.
It is about recognising that while others may sometimes disappoint us, we can learn to listen to ourselves, honour our experiences and act in ways that support our wellbeing.
Perhaps one of the most powerful forms of trust is this:
Not simply trusting that everything will be okay.
But trusting that whatever happens, we will be there for ourselves.
Disclaimer
The reflections and perspectives in this blog are offered to encourage emotional insight, personal growth, and compassionate exploration. They are intended for general information and self‑reflection only, and do not constitute or replace formal psychological assessment, diagnosis, or treatment.
If you are experiencing mental health concerns, distress, or significant emotional difficulty, please seek support from a licensed mental health practitioner or qualified healthcare provider who can offer personalised, evidence‑based care.
The insights shared here draw from trauma‑informed practice and professional experience, but they are not a substitute for professional judgment. Every growth journey is unique, and any tools or concepts offered should be considered thoughtfully and in collaboration with trusted professionals.
This blog does not recommend altering or discontinuing prescribed medications or treatment plans. All decisions regarding your health and care should be made in partnership with qualified practitioners who know your personal history and needs.
Above all, my intention is to honour your process, offer meaningful language for your inner world, and provide a space for reflection, not prescription
