Tips for Choosing the Counsellor for You.

My garden Cabin....Is this the space that you start your journey?

Finding "The One"... No, Not on Tinder, Your Ideal Counsellor

Let’s face it, finding the right counsellor can sometimes feel like searching for a soulmate, minus the awkward first-date silences and the fear of being ghosted. With countless professionals out there, the process might seem as overwhelming as the biscuit aisle at Sainsbury’s when all you want is a decent digestive.

But unlike choosing a biscuit (which, let’s be honest, usually comes down to which one's on offer), picking the right counsellor is no light nibble. Especially if you're navigating the rough seas of anxiety, depression, grief, or relationship troubles, this relationship, yes, relationship, is key. Therapy works best when you feel safe, understood, and genuinely attuned to your counsellor. Without that magical sense of "they get me," it can feel like emotional small talk.

Let’s be clear, asking for help is one of the boldest things a person can do. It’s not weakness, it’s wisdom in action. And finding the right guide for this emotional expedition? That’s one of the most important investments you’ll make in yourself.

So yes, it can be daunting. But it’s also deeply empowering, oddly enlightening, and occasionally funny (Would you believe).

Tune Into Yourself First

Before looking for a counsellor who’ll help untangle your mental knots, it’s essential to ask: What do I actually want?

• Know Yourself First: Reflect on what you want from therapy, do you need coping strategies, deep exploration of past experiences, or support with a specific issue? If you want to achieve something specific e.g., reduce social anxiety, stop procrastinating, improve communication, Clarity here helps narrow your options.

• Exploratory: Are you more interested in self-discovery, “let’s see where this takes me?"

• Identity & Values Match: For many, it’s important to find a therapist who understands or affirms their cultural background, gender identity, sexual orientation, or faith. This can make the space feel safer and more validating.

• Therapist’s “Brand”: Pay attention to how they present themselves online, their tone, language, and values. This often gives you a sense of their style before you even meet

  
  

Jot down a few thoughts. Imagine you're writing a letter to your future self, one who finally feels heard and seen. You might start out needing support for anxiety and later find that you want to explore creativity, confidence, or why you keep dating people who ghost you after three weeks. That’s growth. A good counsellor rolls with your evolution, not just nods at your past but celebrates your future.

Therapists Come in All Flavours

The point is, your choice should reflect what feels right, not just what sounds impressive on paper.

The Attunement Factor

This is the non-negotiable. You could find someone with all the credentials in the world, but if they feel about as emotionally connected as your WiFi on a windy day, it's not going to work. The best therapist for you is someone whose vibe matches yours, whether you need someone gentle and nurturing or straight-talking with a dash of tough love.

Browse their Bios, look on the registered sites such as BACP, Psychology today or Counselling directory, look at their websites, read their blogs. If someone says, “I felt like they saw through the fog and handed me a torch,” that’s worth noting. Still, remember that therapy isn’t Amazon Prime. Don’t be afraid to play detective. A counsellor’s bio can tell you more than just where they got their degree or how many acronyms they’ve collected. Look for clues, Do they mention being trauma-informed? Do they speak about empowerment or identity work? Even their writing tone can tell you something. If they sound like someone you could talk with, that's promising.

Consultation = Your Preview Episode (I offer 30 mins free online)

Use that free consultation wisely:

• Ask any questions you need, find out how they may be able to help? How they work? What the costs are? The length of sessions? (Usually a therapist will give you this information in the first free meet, but its ok to be ready wit the questions that are important to you)

• Are they qualified, registered and insured? (You may already have this information from the registered sites, like BACP, Counselling directory and Psychology today.

• Are they present or distracted?

• Do you feel like they’re speaking with you rather than at  you?

• Most importantly, did you sigh in relief and feel relaxed or start mentally writing an escape plan?

Trust the feelings. They matter.

The Weird Bit About Saying “No Thanks”

This bit’s tricky, sometimes the counsellor isn’t right for you, and that’s OK. You wouldn’t keep dating someone who didn’t laugh at your jokes or remember your birthday, right? Therapy deserves the same kind of standards. If something feels “Off,” and if its not just because you are scared to start, thank them politely, and move on. Emotional chemistry can’t be forced, and you deserve to feel lit up, not left cold.

It’s Not Just a Chat....It’s a Connection, A Real Relationship.

Imagine therapy as gentle but profound dance. It’s not just about turning up and venting your inner chaos, it’s about finding someone who can step in sync with you emotionally. That magical feeling of attunement, when a counsellor hears what you didn’t say but meant to, is the difference between just “talking” and being deeply understood, sometimes we laugh too!

When that connection clicks, therapy becomes less about fixing and more about flourishing. It’s like discovering that your emotional toolkit wasn’t missing a wrench, it was missing someone to show you how to use it.

Logistics Matter Too

Yes, emotional chemistry counts, but so does not getting stuck in rush-hour traffic or bankrupting yourself for a single session. Online vs. in-person, affordable fees, weekly or fortnightly timings, how many steps or stairs up to the counselling room, it all plays into whether this relationship can truly bloom.

Therapy Is a Journey, Not a One-Session Miracle

You won’t necessarily cry, laugh, heal, and write a novel after the first appointment. And hey, if you find yourself thinking, “maybe this isn’t quite it,” you’re allowed to switch lanes. Growth often involves a few detours. Growth is absolutely not linear and at times it can even feel messy. This is normal.

Final Thought: Your Well-Being Deserves a Good Fit

Therapy is about you becoming more you, more comfortable in your own skin. Finding the right counsellor isn’t about ticking boxes, it’s about discovering someone who feels like a co-pilot in your emotional journey. So take the leap, even if your knees wobble a bit. Because when therapy clicks, it doesn’t just help you survive, it empowers you to thrive.

Whether you’re tiptoeing into healing or ready to unpack your life like an overstuffed suitcase at Gatwick, the right support is out there.

Trust the process. Trust yourself. And most importantly, know that you deserve someone who sees your brilliance even when you’re not quite feeling it.

Your healing doesn’t have to look perfect, it just has to be yours.