Discovering Your Values And Why It Matters

What Are Values?  

Values are the fundamental beliefs that guide your decisions, actions, and the way you relate to the world. They are the qualities and principles that matter most to you, things like honesty, compassion, creativity, or independence. Even if you haven’t given them much thought before, your values are what drive your behaviour and give your life meaning.

Where Do Our Values Come From?

Our values are the core principles that guide our decisions, shape our behaviour, and give our lives meaning. But have you ever wondered where these values originate? In counselling, exploring the roots of your values can be a journey of self-discovery, revealing how your upbringing, culture, personal experiences, and relationships have influenced the ideas you hold most dear.

Family and Early Childhood

How It Shapes Values:   From the very beginning, your family plays a key role. The messages you received from parents, siblings, or caregivers, both spoken and unspoken, influence your ideas about what is right and important. For example, if you grew up in a household where kindness was frequently modelled and celebrated, you might come to value compassion highly in your own life.

Why It Matters:   These early lessons often form the foundation of your belief system. Even subtle attitudes expressed in your formative years can leave a lasting mark, making it easier or harder for you to question certain values later.

Culture and Society

How It Shapes Values:   The cultural and societal environment in which you live is another powerful influence. Schools, media, community traditions, and even national history contribute ideas about ethics, honour, and behaviour. Whether it’s a community emphasis on mutual respect or storytelling traditions that celebrate perseverance, the broader cultural backdrop informs what you come to value.

Why It Matters:   Cultural values can provide a shared set of standards that help create community and connection. Yet, sometimes these values might not perfectly align with your personal experiences or inner truths, sparking a journey of exploration and, sometimes, change.

Education and Personal Experiences

How It Shapes Values:   Education, both formal and through life experiences, plays a critical role in forming your values. As you encounter new ideas, diverse viewpoints, and challenging situations, you refine your beliefs about fairness, responsibility, and success. Over time, experiences like travel, work, or personal setbacks can shift your perspective, allowing you to adopt values that help you navigate your unique path.

Why It Matters:   Personal experiences can reaffirm or reshape values, especially when events in your life force you to look at the world through a different lens. Reflecting on these experiences allows you to understand more deeply why you feel certain values are non-negotiable.

Intimate Relationships and Social Interactions

How It Shapes Values:   Close relationships, whether with friends, romantic partners, or mentors, provide a mirror for your values. Through interaction, you learn what matters most, trust, honesty, or loyalty, for example, and sometimes even adopt aspects of those you admire. In counselling, this process is sometimes described as introjection, where you incorporate others’ values into your own inner world.

Why It Matters:   Relationships are powerful teachers. They often highlight which values resonate with you naturally and which might have been influenced by the expectations of those around you. Over time, this helps you distinguish between values that are authentically yours and those that were simply inherited.

Personal Reflection and Self-Awareness

How It Shapes Values:   While many of your values are handed down from your environment, personal reflection also plays a crucial role. By questioning long-held beliefs, you create space to understand what values truly serve you versus those that were adopted without scrutiny. This reflective process can involve exploring your passions, experimenting with new ideas, and even challenging social norms.

Why It Matters:   Self-reflection allows you to realign with values that feel true to you now, not just those accepted through upbringing or external influence. This process can be empowering, helping you learn which values bring fulfilment and contributing to a more authentic sense of self.

Understanding where your values come from is an invitation to explore how your background, culture, education, and relationships have interwoven to create your personal compass. Rather than seeing values as fixed or imposed, consider them a rich tapestry that reflects your journey through life. By gaining insight into their origins, you can begin to appreciate which values resonate deep within you, and perhaps even decide which ones to nurture and which to reconsider as you grow.

Why Are Values Important?  

Understanding your values is a bit like having a compass. When you know what truly matters to you, it becomes easier to make choices that align with your true self. For example, if you value honesty, you might prioritize being truthful in your relationships. If family is important to you, you might seek out ways to create meaningful connections with loved ones. Exploring your values can also shed light on why you react certain ways in situations or why some situations resonate with you more deeply.

Real-Life Examples of Some Values..(There are plenty more).

1. Honesty:

   • Example: You feel a deep need to tell the truth, even if it’s difficult. You might find that when you’re not honest, perhaps to avoid conflict, there’s an underlying discomfort because it conflicts with your core belief that honesty builds trust.

   • Why It Matters: Valuing honesty means that authenticity is crucial to how you see yourself and your interactions with others.

2. Independence:

   • Example: You may cherish the ability to make your own decisions. Perhaps you prefer careers or lifestyles where you have freedom and control over your choices.

   • Why It Matters: Independence can shape your life goals and lead you to opt for situations where your autonomy is respected.

3. Compassion:

   • Example: You might find that helping others or showing kindness feels rewarding. Whether it’s volunteering in your community or taking time to listen to a friend, compassion guides your actions.

   • Why It Matters: Valuing compassion influences the way you relate to people, prompting you to create environments where emotional support and kindness are central.

4. Growth:

   • Example: You could have a strong desire to learn, improve, and broaden your horizons. If you value growth, you might pursue new hobbies, educational opportunities, or personal challenges.

   • Why It Matters: This value can create a mindset focused on continuous improvement and resilience, helping you to see challenges as opportunities.

5. Connection:

   • Example: You might prioritize spending time with friends and family, seeking out deep, meaningful relationships. When you value connection, social events and mutual support become essential parts of your life.

   • Why It Matters: Connection shapes how you interact socially and emotionally, often leading you to invest in relationships that affirm your sense of belonging.

     
     

How to Identify Your Own Values  

Take a moment to reflect on moments when you felt most fulfilled or at peace. Ask yourself questions like:

• What qualities did I admire in the people I looked up to?

• Which activities or moments made me feel most authentic or proud?

• Are there decisions in my life I regret because they didn’t align with my true self?

  
  

Jot down any words or ideas that come to mind, then consider which ones resonate with you over and over again. These repeated themes point toward your core values.

Living Your Values: A Guide to Reflection and Action

Now that you've explored where your values originate, from family and culture to your personal experiences, it's time to look at how you can actively reflect on and live by these core principles. Understanding your values is the first step; aligning them with your daily actions can empower you to lead a more authentic and fulfilling life.

Reflecting on Your Values

1. Journaling Your Experiences:   Keeping a journal is a powerful tool for gaining clarity on what truly matters. Try writing about moments when you felt proud, fulfilled, or at peace. Ask yourself:

• What was happening in those moments?

• Which qualities or behaviours did you appreciate most? Over time, you may notice recurring themes that point to the values you hold dear.

  
  

2. Listing and Prioritizing:   Create a list of values that resonate with you, words like honesty, creativity, freedom, connection, or compassion. Then, sort or rank these values in order of importance to you. This exercise can highlight which values serve as your guiding principles and help you see where you might be compromising unintentionally.

3. Reflective Questions:   Consider these questions to deepen your understanding:

• When have I felt most authentic?

• Which decisions have I made that left me feeling conflicted, and why?

• Do my choices align with these values, or is there a gap? These questions help bridge the gap between knowing your values and experiencing them in your life.

  
  

Putting Your Values into Action

1. Daily Mindfulness:   Try incorporating a moment of mindfulness each day where you evaluate your actions. Ask yourself, "Did I live true to my values today?" Whether you're interacting with others or making decisions, this small moment of reflection can reinforce your commitment to your values.

2. Setting Intentions:   Start your day by setting an intention aligned with one or more of your core values. If you value connection, your intention might be to reach out and check in with a friend. If you value growth, you could plan to learn something new. Intentions help create concrete steps that transform abstract values into day-to-day actions.

3. Creating an Environment That Reflects Your Values:   Evaluate the spaces you occupy regularly, whether at work, home, or in social groups. Ask:

• Do these environments support the values I hold?

• Are there changes I can make to create a more aligned space? Sometimes, a small shift in your surroundings, such as decluttering a workspace or spending more time with people who uplift you, can reinforce your values.

  
  

Why Living Your Values Matters

Living your values isn't about perfection; it's about making choices that are reflective of who you truly are. When your actions align with your inner beliefs, you can experience:

• Greater Fulfilment: Knowing your decisions echo your true self brings a sense of purpose and well-being.

• Enhanced Clarity: Clear values act as a guiding light, helping you navigate challenging decisions with confidence.

• Healthier Relationships: When you live authentically, your interactions become more honest and fulfilling, building stronger connections with others.

  
  

Final Thoughts

Living by your values is a continuous, reflective journey. It calls for regular check-ins, both with yourself and with the environments that influence your life. The more you engage with your core values, the clearer your path becomes, empowering you to make choices that resonate with who you are at your very core.

As you move forward, you might consider exploring new methods of self-reflection or even discussing these insights with someone you trust. What small step can you take today to align closer with your values? Your journey to authenticity starts with this reflective action.

Disclaimer

Please note: The ideas discussed in this blog are intended for informational and reflective purposes only and are not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

If you are experiencing any mental health concerns, please consult a qualified healthcare provider or a licensed mental health professional.

These ideas reflect our current understanding, and much research continues to expand our knowledge. While one size does not fit all, and many tools and approaches can help you reach your destination, each journey is unique. Collaboration between you, your healthcare professionals, and your support network is crucial.

This is the way I see my work: I honour each individual’s unique journey and offer perspectives designed to empower you on your own healing path. This blog does not recommend discontinuing or altering any prescribed medications or treatment plans; always make decisions regarding your health in consultation with a trusted healthcare professional.