Grieving: Navigating Loss and Finding Meaning

Grief: Understanding Loss and Moving Through It

The word "grief" comes from the Old French word "grief", meaning wrong, injustice, misfortune, or suffering, which itself stems from the Latin "gravare", meaning to burden or make heavy. This connects to the idea that grief is something weighty, something that presses on the heart and mind.

By the 13th century, English adopted the word grief specifically to mean deep sorrow or distress caused by loss. Over time, it became closely tied to mourning, though grief extends far beyond bereavement, it touches every aspect of change, absence, and longing.

Where Grief is the umbrella term for the emotional experience of loss.

Bereavement is a type of grief, but one specifically tied to death and mourning.

We know Grief and bereavement is one of the most profound human experiences, raw, unpredictable, and deeply personal. It arrives in waves, sometimes crashing over us when we least expect it. At its core, grief isn’t just about loss; it’s about attachment, love, identity, and meaning. When someone or something important to us disappears, it shakes the foundation of how we see the world and ourselves.

Among the many forms of grief, bereavement, the mourning that follows the death of a loved one, can feel particularly deep and defining. It is the grief that comes with knowing there is no future with the person we've lost, that their presence is now only held in memory. Bereavement isn't just about missing someone; it's about adjusting to life without them, reworking routines, relearning joy, and carrying forward their impact in a new way. It can bring moments of intense longing, numbness, regret, or even relief, all of which are valid responses to loss.

Grief isn’t always straightforward. Some losses are clear and definite, while others exist in a state of uncertainty, unresolved, complicated, or difficult to name. Ambiguous loss, for example, occurs when something or someone is lost, but without full closure or acknowledgment. It might be the disappearance of a person, the emotional detachment of someone who is still physically present, or the gradual fading of an identity, community, or belief.

Regardless of the form, grief is never just sadness, it’s anger, longing, regret, confusion, nostalgia, and sometimes even moments of relief.

There is no right way to grieve, and no timeline can dictate when or how we will begin to heal.

The Many Faces of Grief

Grief takes many shapes. Sometimes it is loud, immediate, undeniable. Other times, it lingers quietly, showing up in unexpected moments, a familiar scent, a place we once shared, or the absence of a routine we never thought we’d miss.

Here are some ways grief manifests:

Personal Loss

• The passing of a loved one (family, friends, partners)

• Bereavement – The process of mourning after a death

• The loss of a pet, a loyal and comforting presence

• The loss of a child (through miscarriage, stillbirth, or estrangement)

• The end of a significant relationship (breakups, divorce, or growing apart)

• The fading of friendships, sometimes without clear reason

• Unspoken grief within relationships—staying but feeling a loss of emotional depth

• The loss of a mentor or someone who shaped our lives

• Betrayal/infidelity in a marriage

• Grief for a life that never happened—paths unchosen, experiences never lived.

• Grieving an imagined future—loss of expectations, missed milestones.

• Loss of innocence or idealism—realizing things aren’t as they once seemed.

  
  

Existential & Identity Grief

• Losing a sense of self (identity shifts, personal transformation)

• Dreams or future plans that didn’t come to fruition

• Grieving youth or the emotional weight of aging

• Coping with illness or disability that changes daily life

• Losing a once-strong faith or belief system

• Navigating the grief of infertility

• Loss and realisation of childhood we should of had

  
  

Situational & Lifestyle Grief

• Losing a job, career path, or financial stability

• The grief of leaving a home or losing a sense of safety

• Life transitions that shift identity (parenthood, retirement)

• Mourning a way of life due to societal shifts or crises

• Loss of inspiration or passion for something once deeply meaningful (art, writing, music).

• Academic grief—struggling with failure, missed opportunities, or losing confidence in intellectual pursuits.

  
  

  Ambiguous Loss (Loss without clear closure or acknowledgment)

• Physical absence, emotional presence – A missing person, unresolved disappearance

• Emotional absence, physical presence – Dementia, addiction, estrangement

• Loss of identity or stability – A changing sense of self, losing connection to past roles

• Cultural or community displacement – Immigration, societal shifts that disconnect someone from their roots

  
  

Disenfranchised Grief (Loss that isn’t always acknowledged)

• Estrangement from family or friends

• The loss of an ex-partner, even if the relationship ended long ago

• Complicated grief for someone who harmed us

• The grief of leaving a toxic relationship but still feeling its weight

• Disconnection from culture due to immigration or displacement

  
  

Collective & Global Grief

• Grieving tragedies, disasters, and societal upheaval

• Losing faith in institutions or systems once relied upon

• The loss of a community due to change, relocation, or division

• Environmental grief, the mourning of nature, places, or ecosystems lost

  
  

Anticipatory Grief

• Feeling grief before a loss happens (terminal illness, inevitable changes)

• Mourning what’s to come (aging parents, shifting relationships)

• The quiet grief of unbecoming a future self we once imagined

  
  
  
  

Why We Feel Grief So Intensely

Grief is wired into us. It’s not just emotional, it’s neurological, biological, and deeply psychological. Our brains hold onto the people, places, and experiences that matter, forming attachments that shape us. When those attachments break, it disrupts our deeply ingrained emotional connections, leaving a void that feels unnatural.

Grief can also awaken existential fears, questions about purpose, mortality, and identity rise to the surface, making the loss even harder to process. In many ways, grief forces us to redefine ourselves, and that can feel like losing a part of who we are.

Grief isn’t just emotional, it’s deeply physical. It affects the brain, nervous system, and body, making it feel overwhelming, exhausting, and unpredictable.

How Grief Affects the Brain

Grief activates the amygdala (processing emotions), hippocampus (memory and attachment), and prefrontal cortex (decision-making). This can make it hard to focus, regulate emotions, or think clearly.

The Nervous System in Grief

Grief puts the body into stress mode, shifting between:

• Fight-or-flight (restlessness, anxiety, tension).

• Shutdown (fatigue, numbness, withdrawal).

  
  

Physical symptoms can include tightness, heaviness, digestive issues, headaches, and sleep disruptions. Grief is a full-body experience, it needs space, movement, and care to be processed. Healing happens through expression, connection, and nervous system regulation rather than suppression.

How We Mask or Suppress Grief

Not everyone grieves openly. Many find ways to suppress or avoid the pain:

• Distraction – Keeping busy, throwing ourselves into work or responsibilities to avoid sitting with painful emotions.

• Emotional Detachment – Convincing ourselves that we’re fine, minimizing the loss, or pretending it doesn’t hurt as much as it does.

• Compensation – Seeking comfort in addictive behaviours, food, alcohol, excessive socializing, or numbing through entertainment.

• Anger & Defensiveness – Redirecting grief into frustration with others, avoiding vulnerability at all costs.

• Intellectualizing – Analysing grief logically rather than feeling it emotionally, treating it like a puzzle to solve instead of a wound to heal.

  
  

What Happens When We Suppress Grief?

Unprocessed grief doesn’t disappear, it transforms. Some people feel fine for months or even years before something triggers buried emotions, unleashing a wave of sadness they thought had passed. Others experience grief in less obvious ways:

• Chronic Stress & Anxiety – Suppressed grief can manifest as tension, irritability, or a constant sense of unease.

• Emotional Numbness – Ignoring grief for too long can create a disconnect from joy, making everything feel dull.

• Health Issues – Unresolved grief can weaken the immune system, affect sleep, and lead to fatigue or headaches.

• Compulsive Behaviours – Some people fall into patterns of overworking, reckless spending, or compulsive habits to fill the emotional void.

• Sudden Emotional Outbursts – Grief that hasn’t been processed can erupt unexpectedly, anger, tears, or intense sadness seemingly out of nowhere.

  
  

Moving Through Grief Instead of Suppressing It

Grief isn’t something to be avoided or suppressed, it’s something that asks to be felt, processed, and integrated. When we try to push it away, it finds other ways to surface, through stress, tension, exhaustion, or even physical symptoms. Moving through grief is about allowing it space in both the mind and body, recognizing that healing happens through expression, movement, and connection rather than avoidance. Healing isn’t about forcing grief to disappear, it’s about allowing it to shift and take new shape. Grief becomes easier to carry when we stop fighting it and instead acknowledge it.

Grief isn’t just emotional, it’s somatic. The body holds grief even when the mind tries to ignore it. Suppressed emotions can manifest as:

• Tightness in the chest or throat

• A sense of heaviness or fatigue

• Digestive issues or tension in the gut

• Restlessness, disrupted sleep, or vivid dreams

• A feeling of disconnection or numbness

  
  

  Understanding how grief settles in the body helps create ways to release and move through it.

Ways to Move Through Grief

1. Breathwork & Grounding – Deep breathing, grounding exercises, and mindfulness help regulate the nervous system and allow grief to flow rather than stagnate. Try placing a hand on your heart while breathing deeply to acknowledge what is there.

2. Movement – Walking, stretching, dancing, or yoga can help process grief physically. Grief often makes us feel stuck, and movement reminds the body that life continues.

3. Expressive Practices – Writing, talking, singing, or even screaming into a pillow can help release what words alone cannot. Grief isn’t just something to understand, it’s something to express.

4. Rituals of Remembrance – Creating small actions of meaning, whether lighting a candle, making art, or visiting a place connected to what was lost, can offer space for grief rather than forcing it away.

5. Crying Without Judgment – Tears physically release stress hormones and help the body process grief. Letting yourself cry without guilt or apology is an act of care.

6. Connecting to Others – Grief can feel isolating, but speaking about it, even in small ways, can remind us that we’re not alone. Whether through community, therapy, or a simple conversation, sharing grief can lighten its weight.

   
   

Integration, Not Erasure

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting or moving on, it means allowing grief to take its place in your story without overwhelming it. Loss shapes us, but it doesn’t have to define us. Over time, grief shifts from something unbearable into something we carry with tenderness rather than pain.

The New Normal

Loss is a part of life, yet it never feels simple. It comes in different forms, some expected, others sudden, and each carries its own weight.

I too have felt loss in many ways. The passing of loved ones has left spaces in my life that time can soften but never fully fill. Some friendships faded, not with a dramatic ending, but through quiet distance, leaving behind a sense of something unfinished. I’ve experienced the grief of lost connections, moments where understanding once existed but slowly unravelled. Work changes disrupted a sense of purpose, forcing me to adapt in ways I hadn’t planned. And then there’s the loss of beloved pets, the companions whose presence was so natural, their absence felt unnatural.

Each loss, whether of a person, a bond, a familiar place, or even a version of myself, has been felt. Some I processed quickly; others lingered beneath the surface before making themselves known.

Grief is never just sadness, it’s adjustment, reflection, sometimes even gratitude. But it’s also messy, uncomfortable, and unpredictable. It doesn’t move in straight lines or neat timelines. It can pull us under, make us feel lost, and resurface when we least expect it. And of course, we don’t want to feel it, no one does.

The instinct is often to push it away, distract ourselves, or bury it under busyness. But grief demands to be felt. The more we resist it, the more it finds its way back to us in quiet moments, in tension we can’t shake, in exhaustion that lingers.

And sometimes, grief carries another fear, the worry that if we let go, we’ll forget. That if the pain fades, the love, the memories, the meaning will fade too. But grief isn't what keeps those things alive. Love, connection, and the impact of what we've lost remain, even as the sharpness of grief softens. Letting go of pain doesn’t mean letting go of what mattered. Some things stay, even when the weight of loss shifts.

Eventually, grief becomes woven into our story. The pain may soften, moments of joy will return, and life will continue, but that doesn’t mean the loss disappears. Instead, it becomes part of who we are.

Disclaimer

Please note: The ideas discussed in this blog are intended for informational and reflective purposes only and are not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

If you are experiencing any mental health concerns, please consult a qualified healthcare provider or a licensed mental health professional.

These ideas reflect our current understanding, and much research continues to expand our knowledge. While one size does not fit all, and many tools and approaches can help you reach your destination, each journey is unique. Collaboration between you, your healthcare professionals, and your support network is crucial.

This is the way I see my work: I honour each individual’s unique journey and offer perspectives designed to empower you on your own healing path. This blog does not recommend discontinuing or altering any prescribed medications or treatment plans; always make decisions regarding your health in consultation with a trusted healthcare professional.